My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
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She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
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sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
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