Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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