Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
