and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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