there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
