I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
