why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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