You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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