Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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