me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
