I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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