I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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