There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Pants are for mortals
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
