Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
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He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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