how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i drank out of a bidet.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
