the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
