I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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