just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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