At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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