And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
