everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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