My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize