I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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