I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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