I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She even gives head with a lisp.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
