just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Congratulations! We have a period
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize