do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
That reminds me...we need to get swords
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
