Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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