it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
