great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
