Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
