and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
