What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it's great music for shaving your balls
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
