some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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