I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
