I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
this is an emotional support booty call
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
