Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
don't judge my taste in strippers
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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