took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Let's get the cat blown out
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
