everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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