That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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