I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
