Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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