Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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