Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
