There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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