Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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