You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
