the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
