what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
