If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
