I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
