if you like me you must not know who I am
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
my being single is dangerous.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
