Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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