I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
