I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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