We're facebook friends in real life
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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