You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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