ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
