we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
