the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
