Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
