Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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