I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
