i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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