Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
