I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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