I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
