Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
