Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
