she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
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She's like a pop up book from hell.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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