Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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