I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.