dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
