i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
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BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
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I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.