1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
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and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
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It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life